Self-Portrait

After going through a deeply painful separation and experiencing the grief that followed with great intensity, I began to feel the need to paint myself. The abstract language that had long shaped my work no longer seemed to make sense while I was immersed in a grief that, although without form or materiality, felt profoundly real and physical.

One of the greatest anguishes of grieving a relationship is confronting the death of who you once were. You are no longer the same person you were when the other person was part of your life, and it can be difficult and painful to understand who is emerging from their absence. You must shed versions of yourself that no longer exist. In some way, this led me to turn to figuration as a means of understanding what I was going through.

This self-portrait began as a more realistic painting but was followed by a desire for erasure—or perhaps self-destruction—which led me to explore colour, layers and texture. In the end, the image feels like a reflection not only of who I am, but also of the parts of myself I keep hidden.